Important note:
”Out of Bounds” Section intro: Go to “Read me first” in publication
“Out of Bounds” has some ski stories, but it’s really about life off the mountain. If that’s not what you came for, you can unsubscribe from this section alone and keep Ski Patrol Notes. Ski Patrol stories will continue in winter.
My big sister with our Dad.
When I was 10 my Dad gave me a birthday card that read: “Starting now, you are responsible for your own face.” Now, that I made double digits, he explained that I was old enough to understand concepts such as emotion and reason, and that with understanding came both the freedom and responsibility of choice.
From now on, I could choose how I would face the world, and those choices would be etched into my actual face over time.
Who I would be in old age started now.
I was ten, so old age felt like, I don’t know,....thirty? But I got the gist of it. Dad had started teaching me about agency. He would also always say: “The worst thing is not having tried it”, reinforcing my zest for adventure. I live by those two beacons of guidance to this day:
Everyone is responsible for their own face.
The worst thing is not having tried it.
Fast forward twenty-three years and there I was, contemplating driving my car into a tree, so I could set myself free. I’d had a good day, an animal, family and friends to take care of, but at that moment, I was genuinely convinced the tree would be the best solution for everyone. Except my car, but she’d understand.
I won’t tell you how I got there. That part is mine. What I can tell you is how I got out of the proverbial car of my life and into a life that feels truly worth living, in the hopes it may help someone else.
Another self-help book, you wonder? What good can she tell me that’s not already written in a thousand texts, taught in readily available lectures, spoken in many more podcasts, and summarized in ever more music, poetry, art, and maybe...pottery? I agree. I am also not sure I’ll be of any help.
But I know this is the handbook to life I’d give to my children if I had any.
The handbook I would have needed when trauma annihilated my becoming of a Self, grief shocked me, relationships crushed me, work burnt through me, adventure saved me and beauty and love overwhelmed me. For all the times I wish I’d known learning to love and accept myself would start from the outside - in, brought on by the pure love of an animal.
When I was in my darkest hours, I never had a problem finding advice. But I was so unsure of myself I trusted everyone and believed nothing.
In the fog of self-help...how do we know which advice to follow?
I yearned for practical, step by step, “if x - then y, if y - then z” guidance. On the day - in the middle of the storm stuff, instead of reverse engineering gratefulness and meaning after the fact.
I needed something that didn’t demand I already know who I am before I could choose.
Dad gave me a card. I’m gonna give you the book he never got the time to write. So if you want to learn HOW to choose your face, this is for you.
Thank you, Mum and Dad. I miss you every day.